The beautiful neckcloth,
your own handiwork, came as a very great surprise to me. And though
its arrival afforded me much pleasure, yet it aroused melancholy
feelings in me. It awakened memories of things long past; and, moreover,
your generous behaviour to me made me feel ashamed. Indeed I hardly
believed that you could still think me worth remembering. Oh, if
you could have witnessed what I felt yesterday on the arrival of
your gift, you would certainly not think that I exaggerate when
I tell you that your remembrance made me tearful and very sorrowful.
- However little, in your opinion, I may deserve to be believed,
yet I beg you to believe, my friend (please let me continue to call
you friend), that I have suffered greatly, and am still suffering,
from the loss of your friendship. I shall never forget you and your
dear mother; you were so kind to me that this loss can not, and
will not, be made good very quickly. I know what I have lost and
what you have meant to me. But if I were to fill up this gap I should
have to recall scenes which would be unpleasant for you to hear
about and for me to describe to you.
As
a small return for your kind remembrance of me I am taking the liberty
of sending you herewith these variations and the rondo for one violin.
I have a great deal to do, otherwise I would have copied out for
you the sonata I promised you a long time ago. In my manuscript
it is practically only a sketch and even Paraquin, who in other
respects is so very clever, would have found it difficult to copy.
You can have the rondo copied and then return the score to me. What
I am sending you are the only compositions I have which would be
of any use to you; and as you are now leaving for Kerpen, I thought
that these trifles might possibly afford you some pleasure.
All good wishes, my friend;
it is indeed impossible for me to call you anything else. However
little I may mean to you, please believe that I entertain just as
great a regard for you and your mother as I have always done. And
if I can contribute in any other way to your happiness, please do
not forget to tell me so. For this is the only means now left to
me of proving to you my gratitude for your friendship which I used
to enjoy. I wish you a pleasant journey and I hope that you will
bring back your dear mother in perfect health. Think now and then
of your true friend,
who
still cherishes a great regard for you,
Beethoven
PS.
The v[ariations] will be rather difficult to play, and particularly
the trills in the coda. But this must not intimidate and discourage
you. For the composition is so arranged that you need only play
the trill and can leave out the other notes, since these appear
in the violin part as well. I should never have written down this
kind of piece, had I not already noticed fairly often how some people
in Vienna after hearing me extemporize of an evening would note
down on the following day several peculiarities of my style and
palm them off with pride as their own. Well, as I foresaw that their
pieces would soon be published, I resolved to forestall those people.
But there was yet another reason, namely, my desire to embarrass
those Viennese pianists, some of whom are my sworn enemies. I wanted
to revenge myself on them in this way, because I knew beforehand
that my variations would here and there be put before the said gentlemen
and that they would cut a sorry figure with them.
Beethoven