Behind
this painting, [Anderson footnote: "Enclosed … was a
coloured miniature of Beethoven done on ivory in 1803 by Christian
Horneman of Copenhagen] my dear good St[ephan], let us conceal
forever what passed between us for a time -- I know that I have
wounded your heart; but the emotion within me, which you must
have certainly detected, has punished me sufficiently for doing
so. It was not malice which was surging within me against you,
no, for in that case I should no longer have been worthy of your
friendship. It was passion, both in your heart and in mine. --
But distrust of you began to stir within me -- People interfered
between us -- people who are too far from being worthy of you
or of me; -- Let me tell you that my portrait was always intended
for you. You know, of course, that I have always meant to give
it to someone. To whom could I give it indeed with a warmer heart
than to you, faithful, good and noble Stefen -- Forgive me if
I hurt you. I myself suffered just as much. When I no longer saw
you beside me for such a long time, only then did I realize to
the full how dear you were to my heart, how dear you ever will
be.
Your